Video games have been popular since they first came out, and once COVID-19 hit, more people than normal found themselves stuck at home with nothing to do. As such, the number of self-identified “gamers” has drastically increased and will probably continue to do so as new games come out, new systems are released, and video games become closer & closer to “real-life experiences.” So, you might find yourself wondering: is all this time I’m spending on my PlayStation helpful to finding romance IRL? It could be: here’s how!
How Does Virtual Space Affect a Person?
Before we can really determine whether or not video games have a positive or negative effect on your overall dating potential, we first need to figure out exactly how people are affected by spending large amounts of time in a virtual landscape. Fortunately, a lot of research has already been done on this topic, and the results speak for themselves: although some people do take on entirely different personas while online, often, a person’s online persona will simply be an amplified version of their actual personality!
So, what exactly does this mean? Well, let’s assume you’re an introvert. The idea of signing up for a website for those looking for a local hookup might seem intimidating, but chances are, you wouldn’t stress at all about signing up for a beta test on a new game. The same is likely true for chatting with a girl when looking to arrange a date or a casual hookup locally. Offline, it’s certainly intimidating, but you probably wouldn’t think twice about messaging a girl in-game. Essentially, this tells us that being in a virtual space can help you overcome social anxiety and achieve your social potential by ignoring self-imposed limitations and restrictions.
Realistic Gameplay
The next thing to consider is the quality of the games being released. Obviously, the visuals in a game like Minecraft don’t resemble their real-world counterparts very closely. On the other hand, the realistic scenes from a game such as Ratchet & Clank: Rift Apart could easily be mistaken for real-life situations, which can help your mind create positive associations in the “real world” via familiar situations.
This association can have a positive effect on your self-esteem, but it can also present you with unrealistic expectations. In video games, players often create their avatars as the most attractive versions of themselves as possible (or based on another person entirely), which means that the perfect 10’s you’re used to seeing in-game are unlikely to be covering the block near your street. Keeping realistic expectations is very important when trying to navigate the complicated relationship between virtual reality and the physical one. If you always expect picture-perfect scenes, people, and situations, you’ll be sorely disappointed once the weight of reality actually sets in.
On the other hand, this realism can have positive effects on human interactions, even if they do take place in a virtual world. For example, the communication, accent interpretation, and quick-thinking skills that you’ll develop through team play in a high-intensity online shooting game can actually be “ported” over to the real world! Players tend to skip on “social expectations,” such as being overly and unnecessarily polite, in favor of a direct and efficient approach to verbal communication when playing online. This is helpful when it comes to dating IRL since you’ll be able to use these skills to accurately convey the type of relationship that you’re looking for to any potential partners you meet, online or off.
Can Gaming Experience Be Used When Dating IRL?
Yes, it can… to an extent! It’s generally very easy to find online love, but often these relationships tend to fail once they’re taken offline. Why is this? Well, the main reason is actually one we’ve mentioned above: people can take on a new persona when they’re online! This persona might be charming, direct, and friendly, whereas they might be quiet, introverted, and struggle to communicate effectively once they find themselves face to face with their online lover. The real key to using your gaming experience in a romantic setting is analyzing your online persona, identifying the positive attributes, and trying your best to implement these in your everyday life.
Obviously, this is a task that’s easier said than done, but the good news is that you don’t need to make any drastic changes right away. First, you’ll need to identify the positive attributes as mentioned above: write these down, so you don’t forget them! If you’re struggling to do this, compare your IRL-self to your online-self. What makes your online-self “better”?
Now that you have this list of attributes, it’s time to convert these to an IRL skillset. Instead of attempting to change your entire personality in one go, try to make small changes each day. For example, if your online personality is very outgoing, attempt to do one “outgoing” thing every day. You won’t see results right away, but after repeated behavior, this imitation personality will actually begin to become your real one. Repeat this process for each attribute as needed, and be the best person you can be: both online & off!